German:
So long I have not spoken out more but now I'm back in the mood.
How many of you know I was in London a month ago.
The photos I still have not be developed but that will follow. London was nice, if rather lonely.
Although I learned a few nice people but as always it only ran on the theme of "love" out where I'm still not ready to leave it in my life.
I met a "black man" named Kenny.
as bad as this sounds, but he was the first black to I did right.
I used to, unfortunately, made a very bad experience with them.
Unfortunately, he wanted to be more of me than I am ready even if it is a shame because I liked him very much.
In London I have otherwise looked very much. I
the Dali Universe (incredibly great!) Was. The man really understands me.
And in the Tate Modern which I initially thought that it was not there for me is I rather adore the ancient art.
But the video installations were exhilarating and sometimes very disturbing. ;) 
So then I got back here and started my new job also equal in an internet cafe in Neukölln. Ok, it's a case for itself But still I feel as well. I'm not doing very much and can learn and earn money while still.
I also like the people there, even if some are really very, very tiring.
Well, but thanks to Ramadan, there is currently little work for me and I was put on forced leave.
I hope I can then start there again because I currently work in a shop / Internet Cafe which I unfortunately not so appealing.
I'm just not a service person ...
undertaken after my 5-day London-fast-food diet but for now I am on a diet.
Organic diet with as little sugar.
I guess I've been in three weeks 6 kilos removed. Unfortunately, I had no
off weight.
Well, there are also wengiger enjoyable.
The last week was for me out of sheer stress.
My brother was with me because he had finally decided on a treatment and I have tried durchzuknüppeln at the offices a cost commitment.
has finally worked.
And even if I stay my brother really enjoyed it yesterday and really at all and would then leave with a heavy heart because it really was, especially in combination with working very hard.
I think that's why I started smoking again ...
should now yesterday then my beautiful first day off in three weeks his work, but I hardly have arrived at home and had chatted with my mother ringing my phone and my horror message is conveyed:
Jannetjie, the friend of my best friend, who had been drinking for weeks and over again, everything was found dead.
I went of course as soon as possible to her.
in the outpatient center was where we had our last hours of therapy and relatively on the ground ...
I then spent the rest of the day with her and also stayed with her.
It was an incredible shock to me.
I did not know him very well. We had a couple of times and tried to get into line but never come to the same rail.
Finally, I was just mad at him only for what he does to my friend with his relapse and set rather hostile.
But he did hold me never something bad and was mostly very friendly ...
And then something like that.
was even more difficult but for me, for my girlfriend be there. We regulate such things totally different. While she talks a lot I retire rather ...
But it worked and I hope it could be a help.
So, now go on with my life again.
I expect tomorrow at the latest to suffer a meltdown because I stress too much. The
stop with smoking I move on later.
English:
So, didn't wrote for a long time but now I am in the right mood again.
Lot's of you know that I was in London one month ago.
Still not developed the photos but it will happen in some time.
I met some nice people but at the end it was very lonesome there.
And it always amounted in the theme "love" which I'm still not ready to let back in my life.
I met a nice "black guy" named Kenny. The hard as it sounds but he was the first black man I liked.
In the past I just made bad experiences with them.
But he wanted things from me I wasn't able to give. It's sad cause he was really nice and I liked him a lot.
But I also made lots of other nice things.
I was at the Dali Universe (ncredible great!). This man really understands me.
And also at the Tate Modern which I thought before I wouldn't like it cause I am more worshipping the old kinf of art.
But the video installations were exhilarating and also really disturbing... ;)
When I were back again I just started my new job in an Internetcafe in Berlin-Neukölln.
Ok,it is a case sui generis but I really enjoy working there.
It's not much to do and I have a lot of time to read and learn. And I earn some money.
Unfortunately it's time for the turkish ramadan and so I haven't enoug to do and they send me to holidays.
In the meantime I work in an other Shop/Internetcafe but I don't like it there that much.
I am not made for just serving people. :D
After my 5 week London-Fast-Food-feeding I started my diet.
Biological with less sugar.
I already lost about 6 kg in 3 weeks.
Unfortunately I don't have a start weight.
Ok, now there is something less joyful.
The last week my brother was with me.
He fortunately decided to make another therapy but so I had to telephone with all the fucking agencys...
I really enjoyed it to have my brother by my side and it was hard for me to let him there yesterday but it was very hard, especially in combination with the work, for me.
I think because of that stress I started smoking again... :(
So yesterday should be my first free day since three weeks full of work and stress.
But: HAHAHA, God didn't thought that way.
As I were back home and chatted with my mom my mobile rang.
My ex-therapist was on the other side and told me that the friend from my best girlfriend was found in a park - dead.
She was in the ambulant center were we had our last therapy hours.
I drove to her as fast as I can and she was in a relative good mood.
I spent the rest of the day with her and the night too.
It was a hard shock for me.
Ok, I didn't knew him very well but for a long time.
We tried to get to know each other better but we never found the same line...
At last I just were mad at him because of the thing he did to my friend.
He was having relapses for a long time and that was a thing which hurted her much.
But he never did something really evil to me...
And most of the time he was friendly.
And than a thing like that.
But the hardest part for me was to be there for my friend.
We are handling things like that and totally different ways.
She is talking and searching for closeness to others and I back myself out of it...
But it worked and I hope I could helped her.
And now my life moves on.
I think tomorrow will be my day of depression...
The plan to stop smoking again is put in the future for now.
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